Checking Out – regarding modesty


I’ve mentioned my lovely, wonderful church before, and let me just tell you.  I love this place.
















I am continually accepted, challenged, respected, used {in the best way}, loved and honored here.

Today, I am honored in a new way as I was asked to guest blog for them.

Below is what I wrote.  Enjoy!

I’ve stopped looking at the magazine covers in the grocery store check out aisle.

Instead, I look at the candy bars, the gum, or the “incentive items”, which apparently you buy only because you see them, not because you need them or even previously knew they existed.

I’ll look at that stuff, sure.  But no magazine covers.

Some of it is to avoid falling into the comparison trap, spending the next couple of weeks trying to talk myself into being okay with the body I currently occupy.

Some of it is to rebel against the constant push for perfection.  “How to own the best wardrobe on your block!”  “Beauty miracles that will make Everyone jealous.”  “16 secrets of having photogenic arms…”  and so on.

Mostly, though, I’ve stopped looking at magazine covers in an effort to stop lusting.



You know, that ugly word that gets tossed around in Christian school assemblies and men’s Bible studies and youth group lock in parties, late at night when things have turned from silly to serious.

Usually, “lusting” means having sexual thoughts about someone who is not your spouse.   Usually, “lusting” means “wanting” in a sexual way.  Usually, “lusting” is something that mostly men struggle with.

Or so we’re told.

Here’s the truth.

I don’t struggle with sexual thoughts about the women plastered across the shelves.  I don’t try to picture them naked or imagine scenarios with them and me.  I don’t “want” them.  But I do want what they Have.

I lust for their power.

I lust for their sexiness.

I lust for their perfection.

I want to be the most desirable woman in a room.  I want to be the one turning the heads.  Sometimes, even, the husband heads.  I want the attention and the admiration.  I want to prance around like I imagine the magazine women do, perfectly content with my every inch, never once having a doubt or a question about my beauty and my acceptability.

That’s what I lust for.

And I know some ways to get it.

I know that if I wear certain things and speak in certain tones and stand in certain positions, I will get attention.  I will get eyes and heads glued to me.

That’s the truth.

But here’s the secret.

The eyes and heads that watch me are also watching many, many others.  The eyes and heads that watch me were made to only watch the one they are meant to pair up with for life.

You see, the entire notion of perfection, of desirability, of sexiness, has been tampered with, and I want to see us get back to the root.  Back to the truth.

The truth is that there is no such thing as ultimate perfection.  There is no such thing as being the Most desirable one.  All of the promises that we are fed about what our body must look like and what we must wear and how we must present ourselves are based in an idea that we can follow these rules and become the god.  We can become the One who is worthy of attention and desire.

The truth is that instead of exposing myself to everyone, in an effort to be wanted by everyone, I must believe and operate in the truth that I was already made to be wanted by One.

I was not made to draw attention to myself.  I was made to draw attention to Jesus.  And I was made to get attention by Him.

I have been lied to and made to believe that if I appear a certain way, I will get the attention I seek.  And it will all be for me.  And it will make me happy and whole.

I don’t know about you.  But following that lie and living under the rules that come with it is exhausting and impossible.  It never brings peace and happiness.  It brings obsession and naval-gazing.

Instead, I want to learn the truth.  I want to let the truth do what it does best.  Set me free.

I don’t want to lust for power.

I don’t want to lust for perfection.

Instead, I choose to prance around my life, perfectly content with my every inch, never once having a doubt or a question about my beauty and my acceptability.

Because I am Seen and Known and Loved by the One who fills all the desires.

How about you?  Want to come along?


Lavender + redhead photo by the amazing Kristian Lynae Irey.  You really should be following her on Insta.

Church photo by my buddy Brian Wolfe(y).  Find him on Facebook or check him out at


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